Forget me not

This is the beautiful angel i got for my mom for her 53rd birthday. I never got the chance to give it to her as she was put in the hospital the day before and passed away 2 days later. things havent been the same since, i was once a very happy girl... I have only recently been able to let go of things, clothing etc that belonged to my mother, as i feel that they will bring joy to other people's lives.

Goodbye Letter that i found very powerful...

Goodbye Letter - to My Long Lust Friend

Dear Long Lust Friend,

I want to let you know how much I have valued your friendship over the years. You have been my most loyal companion.

When I was sad, isolated, anxious and hurting, you comforted me. We celebrated life's successes and covered up the messy failures. Looking back I am amazed at your tireless devotion. Thank you for helping me cope with the never-ending challenges of life.

I am sad to inform you that I no longer require your devotion. You see, though you have served me well, I have nothing left to give to this friendship. I have already given you the best years of my life by sacrificing relationships, opportunities, time and money. I willingly paid these exorbitant fees and, as promised, you introduced me to some of your closest companions; pleasure, sex, pornography, masturbation and fantasy. They too became loyal and trusted friends.

The only thing I have left is my very life and I have recently given it to Another. His promise is that I will never thirst again; and oh how thirsty you have left me. There is a price for His friendship also, but luckily, the only thing I have left is the only thing He requires. I must admit, at first I was afraid of giving my life to Another, but fear is another invented friend of yours.

He uses words like "abundance", "joy", "fullness", "blessings", "peace" and "freedom". My infinite Friend has a small voice that is hard to hear above the clanging noise of your vernacular ("fear", "despair", "depression", "panic", "irresponsibility", "doom" and "secrecy"). That is why I must sever all ties with you.

My Friend lays claim to the title "Prince of Peace" and to be honest, I could really use some peace right now after all the insanity you have brought into my life. Everything is topsy-turvy right now; a byproduct of the life you helped me build.

Like you, my Friend has companions. Among my favorites are intimacy, self-respect, truth, love and hope. Instead of dying of thirst, my thirst is dying down as I drink from His living water.

So, I am saying goodbye to you my long lust friend. I know that you are always near. I feel your presence often, but I no longer need you.

Your Once Faithful Friend,

Anonymous

OK OK OK

I will make a post... came back to work today to face the music... so happy its quiet...
im caught up on my gossip though.

well im just about ready to take off and get my butt back home. its beautiful out, maybe take baby boy out for a walk.

HOW AM I FEELING>>>>

well simply right now, im feeling like a sneetch, and not the star belly sort....

[singing] Sneetch Choir: Twink twink twinkle twinkle lovely little star... Young Sneetch: Twink twink twinkle twinkle stupid little star. [singing] Sneetch Choir: If you've got one on your tummy, then it's yummy like a bunny / If you don't, then you're a scrawny, funny, crummy, bummy dummy / That's what you learn from your daddy and your mommy / Twink twink twinkle twinkle lovely little star... Young Sneetch: Twink twink twinkle twinkle stupid little star!
Narrator: But, because they had stars, all the Star-Belly Sneetches would brag... Sneetch: We're the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches. Narrator: With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they'd snort... Sneetch: We'll have nothing to do with the Plain-Belly sort!

Here is a bit of background about the story if you havent seen it...

Some Sneetches have a green star on their bellies, and in the beginning of the story the presence or absence of a star is the basis for discrimination. Sneetches who have stars on their bellies are part of the "in crowd", while Sneetches without stars are shunned and excluded.
In the story, a "fix-it-up" chap named Mr. Sylvester McMonkey McBean appears, driving a cart of strange machines. He offers the Sneetches without stars a chance to have them by going through his Star-On machine, for three dollars. The old star-bellied Sneetches are furious until McBean tells them about his Star-Off machine, costing ten dollars. This escalates, with the Sneetches running from one machine to the next,
"until neither the Plain nor the Star-Bellies knew
whether this one was that one or that one was this one
or which one was what one... or what one was who."
This continues until the Sneetches have no more money and McBean leaves them. At the end of the story the Sneetches learn that neither plain-belly nor star-belly Sneetches are superior, and they are able to get along and become friends.
The story is an obvious allegory for racism and discrimination, and teaches the lesson that all people are the same on the inside, despite outward differences. It can also be viewed as a satire on fashion following and keeping up with the Joneses.
"The Sneetches" is written in anapestic tetrameter, and – as is typical for Seuss books – follows the rhyme scheme and meter very strictly.

Another Day Another ROCKSTAR

What a stupid name for a drink... well trust me i needed it this morning... needed it so bad that i stopped at a gas bar this morning, after being already late for work... and considering the gas bar i stopped at is situated in a seedy neighbourhood... DESCHENES, QUEBEC... beautiful view, lots of scenery :). Anyhow, i needed my rockstar fix and i was willing to get my ass out of my car to get one. Was a pretty late night. And the sleep i did get, sucked. My neck is killing me. My little guy slept right through the night though :) And Ana wore her pyjamas to school today... no were not trailer trash, it was actually *wear your jammies to school day* so she wore these kooky monkey pyjamas that belong to her step sister (but fit her) and comes with a matching monkey scrunchie. She was told to bring a tutu with her so she chose Djungelorm, the big ass snake from ikea, i think her little boyfriend is bringing the same thing too... did i mention that she was a ninja turtle for halloween this year... uhhuh... me thinks mr. Vern was too.
Makes me remember, my mom's last halloween. the last picture i have of her alive is from halloween last year. geez here i go again. :(

PTSD INFO

Just so you know what has been happening in my life for at least 22 months because you choose to remain ignorant when it comes to this and not educate yourself. Well i know that you and your *friends* read this blog, maybe you will understand a bit more about this.... being the supporting person that you are...

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a term for certain severe psychological consequences of exposure to, or confrontation with, stressful events that the person experiences as highly traumatic.[1] Clinically, such events involve actual or threatened death, serious physical injury, or a threat to physical and/or psychological integrity, to a degree that usual psychological defences are incapable of coping with the impact. It is occasionally called post-traumatic stress reaction to emphasize that it is a result of traumatic experience rather than a manifestation of a pre-existing psychological weakness. The presence of a PTSD response is influenced by the intensity of the experience, its duration, and the individual person involved.
It is possible for individuals to experience traumatic stress without manifesting Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, as indicated in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and also for people to experience traumatic situations and not develop PTSD. In fact, most people who experience traumatic events will not develop PTSD. For most people, the emotional effects of traumatic events tends to subside after several months. PTSD is thought to be primarily an anxiety disorder (possibly closely related to panic disorder) and should not be confused with normal grief and adjustment after traumatic events.
PTSD may be triggered by an external factor or factors. Its symptoms can include the following: nightmares, flashbacks, emotional detachment or numbing of feelings (emotional self-mortification or dissociation), insomnia, avoidance of reminders and extreme distress when exposed to the reminders ("triggers"), loss of appetite, irritability, hypervigilance, memory loss (may appear as difficulty paying attention), excessive startle response, clinical depression, and anxiety. It is also possible for a person suffering from PTSD to exhibit one or more other comorbid psychiatric disorders; these disorders often include clinical depression (or bipolar disorder), general anxiety disorder, and a variety of addictions.
Symptoms that appear within the first month of the trauma are called Acute stress disorder, not PTSD according to DSM-IV. If there is no improvement of symptoms after this period of time, PTSD is diagnosed. PTSD has three subforms: Acute PTSD subsides after a duration of three months. If the symptoms persist, the diagnosis is changed to chronic PTSD. The third subform is referred to as delayed onset PTSD which may occur months, years, or even decades after the event.

ROCKSTAR to the rescue

Thank god for this beverage called rockstar. If it werent for Rockstar, i would be under my desk right now fast asleep. After going back on my medication for post traumatic stress disorder (basically, its so i dont have nightmares) i felt a bit tired this morning. I went to bed at 10 after watching deal or no deal alone in my bed last night. If any of you watched it, can you belive how stupid that guy was and left with 10 dollars. I fell fast asleep. GREAT :) i will be well rested the next day for work. WRONGO, someone had to call me and deliberately upset me at 10:30. Yeah so good luck getting to sleep at a decent time. Well coffee does nothing for me so i popped a couple of efedra and downed a rockstar into my temple, and well its kicked in.
I just found out that as of 6am, i have a new baby cousin, Juliette. 8lbs 3oz. I am so excited to see her.
Juliana's swelling is going down, but the black eyes came out so its her first day back at school, and her only concern was that her friends wont want to go to her birthday party because she has 2 black eyes. They will go away in good time my dear. :) I love you and your brother dearly, remember that.